So what do I do now when I am EXTREMELY stressed out and need to vent? No, not eat ice cream or drink, because if I need to vent and started talking to a bowl, glass or coffee cup (what? it’s an ideal size for a serving of ice cream…you can only cram so much in there, bowls hold WAY more; and please tell me you’ve never had boozy coffee…hmm, I may make some boozy coffee), they’d want to change my diagnosis and my meds. Hell, they may put me on a 72 hour hold, because I’m the girl talking to kitchenware. So, the answer is… BLOG! I’m totally pulling my best Jenny Lawson and using this thing as my manner to cope, reach out to find people who are crazy like me, and to fill you all in on the joys of my crazy life. (And yes, crazy is a fine term…it’s like when the homosexual culture claimed queer…I claim crazy, I TOTALLY claim my crazy!)
So as I posted on Facebook this morning,
“I hate being a homeowner update:
Still waiting on dryer news, but I’ll call them this morning. I’m so tired of waiting; if I need to buy new appliances (the unit was combined), just tell me!
There are now water marks in the ceiling of the dining and living room (worse in the living room) on the side opposite all our water using things (bathroom, kitchen, & laundry all on the other side). I filed a claim w/ insurance this morning; I noticed it yesterday. I just want it fixed before it gets worse.
I’m a teacher for pete’s sake, with a boyfriend who’s going back to school to be one, the money is not rolling in like whoa. Anyone have any stock tips, lucky lottery numbers, or want to count cards for me at the casino?”
To take it back…the dryer caught on fire the Monday after we moved in. It was less than a year old, so trying to see if we can get it replaced without buying a new one. It’s a slow and arduous process. I LOVE doing laundry; it’s actually a stress reliever, so this is killing me on many levels.
Yesterday, I noticed the water mark and this morning it was definitely worse. So while it may not be a leaking pipe or anything in the house, and could possibly be related to the renovations next door, I need to get this checked out ASAP. Especially because I go back to school for preservice on Wed and Jay goes back next week. Oh & because I’ll already miss days since I have that impending surgery in September. Luckily I was able to schedule Augusta’s spay on a day off (Thank you, Jewish holidays!) in October.
Right now I’m having the “I already spent enough money getting this house, getting into this house, and getting things for this house!” financial freak-out. I may have to cut my plan of trying to pay extra on the mortgage to pay it off sooner if I have additional bills to take care of. The most likely things that go out the window are racing and camp. Pittsburgh may not happen this year, because I can do Frederick without a hotel stay on the same day. Love Run may not happen, because there’s a 10 miler in Frederick the same day (and no hotel stay). Camp may go on the back burner AGAIN if I don’t have the funds. And I still owe people cookies…Janice, Lex & Kay for being awesome…Karen & Linda for silent auction.
Combine that with the fact that I STILL need to do the touch up paint in the bedroom and have been putting it off, and you have house guilt/expense freaking out a-go-go.
I am seriously thinking about pawning my wedding band. I don’t need that shit anymore and whatever I can get for it is better than it sitting in my ring box. Despite the fact that my engagement ring would garner way more due to the stones, I am NOT getting rid of that! It’s probably the one thing I feel like I earned in that old relationship. Like this is the prize you get for the misery that came out of it. I don’t doubt I have other jewelry that could go. I don’t wear jewelry like that and am attached to very few pieces. My favorite jewelry pieces are for the most part inexpensive. Hell, other than my facial piercings and my daith, on the regular I wear my 26.2 necklace from Andi (with the silver heart from the Alex & Ani string bracelet Jay bought me on threaded on that chain…I wore it all the time and that weakened the string, then Gus finished it off) and a pair of earrings I bought on Woot. I have a fair bit of in-skin decoration; I think it works. Oh & those will also go on hold. I have two tattoos I want, one more I’ll figure out once Jenny’s next book comes out, and none of them are coming any time soon unless my tattoo artists take pity on my misery and offer freebies (Adam & Tony, feel free!).
Side note: Luckily, I think my incisions for the wrist surgery will be above my tattoo. *phew* No medically necessary slitting of the art I got to keep myself from slitting myself.
Side-side note: I wish I got paid for blogging…I would blog the shit out of things!
And all this crap makes me want to climb in bed, pull the covers over my face and say “I’m staying here under the BAB (big ass blanket…it’s a 1yd by 2yd fleece tie blanket I made myself when I made Aria’s, Peyton’s & Lori’s almost two years ago) until someone fixes all my shit and trains my puppy!
Additional side note: I need to check into getting Gus into the obedience classes Mira did when she was wee. Start her off down the road to awesomeness like her sister (note in the side note: she will not be as awesome as Mira…I know this…no dog is every going to be that awesome, but I would like Gus to be more awesome than her current ornery puppy self…but she is freaking cute and she snuggles, and she does play fetch better than Mira, because she’ll actually give you back the toy 9x out of 10…with Mira, it’s like 3x out of 10, unless you tug it out of her face or say “drop it” about 22x, so she is valuable and we shall keep her despite accidents and that chewed Camelbak bladder).
But I cannot fall into depression, because I have too much to do. I actually contemplated forcing hypomania by not taking my stabilizer and still taking my anti-dep (and generous doses of caffeine). If I’m hypo, I will sleep less and get a SHIT TON of stuff done. It’s pretty much a win-win…especially if I could crash the Saturday before my Monday surgery and have like 3-4 days to be blarg before yanking myself out of the hole and getting back to some semblance of normal. I don’t know why I said contemplat-ED, when I’m pretty much contemplat-ING. I shouldn’t do it, but…shouldn’t and won’t are two different things, and I’m slightly irrational right now. Reminder: Take your pills, Dave. (It’s a play on the “eat the sandwich, Dave” from the Chapelle show skit with Dave & Wayne Brady…Jay says it to me all the time.)
Took the pills…all of them…all 300mg of the Lamictal and 450mg of the Wellbutrin.
Also in taking the dogs out post-pills, I talked to one of the contractors next door. He’s just doing duct-work for the heating & ac, so he knows nothing about any pipe issues next door that may be leaking into my place. I’m really wondering if that could even be it anyway…it doesn’t start right on the wall…I’m going to stop looking at it; it stresses me out.
So hopefully that’s an adequate brain dump for now. If not, I may be back…maybe with boozy coffee…we’ll see.